#but otherwise they've got functionally the same face

[singingcicadas]

Megatron's Opposite Day

"I free slaves"

This is Soundwave binding Ratbat but seeing as Megatron did the same thing to Pentius by putting his spark into Trypticon and reformatted Rumble and Frenzy into cassettes against their will I think he approves a lot of this practice

Megatron on Optimus and humans, after his defeat in All Hail Megatron ⬇️

he really salty

"I implant ideology" aka brainwashing

Decepticon cause = Megatron. nuff said.

"I liberate cities" says the person who let Nyon burn to make a point

Cities are too small, think bigger

Holding New York hostage.

"Like Autobots, they believe in the sanctity of life" which he doesn't. Kudos for being honest.

Allowing troops to do free-rein massacre is a reward for conquest. Nothing like some easy murder for de-stressing.

The Simanzi massacre which halved the Cybertronian population is off-screen so it doesn't deserve its own pic

"The revolution"

"We only feel good when we stand with a blade in one hand and a throat in another" "Let's make the entire face of the planet into our new gladiator arena"

What nice, confidence-inspiring revolutionaries. I'm sure they'll rule the population with benevolence after they've killed all the Necessary People with Necessary Violence. Final interpretation of what constitutes as Necessary is reserved for the sole discretion of Megatron, ofc.

Good goals.

Sentinel might be an absolute asshole but at least he's got one thing right: they're literally a gang of thugs who gets high off murder.

"The people are my utmost concern"

'The people': ................

"Battling for freedom"

Freedom of what? Function? Autonomy?

Religion?

the ability to choose whether to fight? on which side to fight?

Idk why they used the word "pogrom" for this, it's way too specific

Anyways it doesn't matter, they won't be missed.

Good for Bumblebee for calling him out. Screenshotted this just to appreciate Megatron's bitchy face ⬇️

Other urban legends:

"Megatron loves Cybertron" let's just burrrrn it

He did fight to save Cybertron in Chaos Theory but also made it pretty clear why he did it. It's not out of the goodness of his heart or any sentimental reasons like that. It's an ego/dominance thing.

Plus his wording when he's trying to convince Optimus to let him go with the Lost Light: "I broke the planet. And that, Optimus, is why I owe it to you - to everyone - to find a replacement."

Replacement.

In other words: I made a mess and can't be bothered to clean it up, so I want to get away from it and find somewhere new to start clean.

I don't think Optimus appreciates the favour.

"Megatron tore down a corrupt government" which is true, just too bad that he's worse

He's also, um, a closeted Zeta admirer?

"Megatron advocates equality" ???

Megatron x dictatorship is literally his OTP. They were inseparable for four million years. A lot of people died trying.

"Megatron cares about the Decepticons" no he doesn't. Not his troops nor its cause.

Like for one thing he treats them with complete scorn

Admits that the most useful thing about keeping Starscream around is that he can bully underlings into line

Wants to use the humans' nuke to get rid of his troops and reformat them into peaceful drones after they outlive their use because they were "too ruthless" for his perfect peaceful society

Has zero scruples about fighting Deceptigod, just affronted that his own soldiers are being used against him

And basically just drops the Decepticons like a bag of vermin after he surrenders. He never once mentions them of his own accord, other than to insist he has nothing to do with them. Even his surrender speech is something Optimus makes him do as exchange b/c he wants to go on parole. He wasn't planning on making a public address otherwise, he was just going to leave them hanging.

Looking at the publication timeline, Megatron started out as an established Evil McEvilson-type villain similar to how he is in G1 and it's not until Chaos Theory in 2011 that JRo really gave him a sympathetic backstory that drew his characterization away from the bloodthirsty pugno ergo sum warlord into someone who once held ideals about societal reform and remains convinced of his own moral supremacy throughout the 4 mill years of death and war, adding worldbuilding such as Functionism/oppression/government corruption as justification for the beginning of the Decepticon movement. But because the start of the Decepticons was already written in Megatron Origins and every evil thing he'd done up till Chaos Theory can't be retracted and they had to keep Megatron as a villain until his story was no longer central to the Autobot-Decepticon war line, and JRo didn't try to downplay the atrocities he'd committed (some of the most sadistically disturbing things Megatron did were exclusively in MTMTE flashbacks), but rather tried to distance him from them and placed the focus on the juxtapositions to emphasize change, this as a whole just resulted in Evil McEvilson getting turned into Hyper McHypocrite.

[oneshotnewbie]

Elizabeth Olsen gets a call from Florence saying that they've found you in the bathroom having a panic attack. She is the only one that can bring you out of it. Angst and fluff please. And could you make them besties?

⚠️Trigger warning!⚠️ This one-shot includes the topic of a panic attack. The plot is presented. If this triggers you too easily or you just can´t handle the subject, I urge you NOT to read this work. I am NOT embellishing this topic under any circumstance. Read at your own risk.

Authors note: I changed a small detail; Florence picks Elizabeth up instead of calling her because they're doing an interview together for the new Marvel movie. Hope that's okay.

---

Panic.

You could literally feel it rising in you and out of frustration, you smacked the sink with the flat of your hand, on which you were leaning heavily against. It wasn't your first rodeo to be present at an interview with the entire Avengers team, but right now this one gave you a far worse panic attack than you've ever seen for no reason.

-Breathe. Breathe- you thought and looked you up from head to toe in the slightly fogged mirror. The figure had red-rimmed eyes and a tear-streaked face. -Inhale and exhale- you repeated in your mind, as if you were re-teaching your body how to function.

In and out, oxygenate this body even though it felt wrong.

But nothing helped, you felt like you were suffocating. No matter how many breaths you took, there was not nearly enough oxygen in the air. Your body was stuck; seemed to keep playing itself up and you could sense that a collapse was very close.

Suddenly, the washroom door slammed open and you looked back into the mirror, startled. Inwardly, you cursed yourself for forgetting that the lock had not been closed properly by you and that there was now a confused and worried Florence standing behind you, unaware of what was happening. "Is everything okay?"

"Can´t breathe." you stammered and smacked your sternum gently a few times with a closed fist to signal her that it really did not work. You realized that you could not go through it alone. "Lizzie."

The blonde immediately nodded in understanding and turned around to jump out the door and search desperately for her co-actress.

As Florence looked for the only chance to bring you down from this panic attack, the cold sweat that started to form on your forehead was followed by nausea; dizziness from the lack of oxygen set in your head and legs, which were finally giving out and you huddled between the sink and the first toilet stall.

Your breathing was hectic and you had your face buried between your hands. Silent tears ran down your cheeks and you thought about the last time you experienced something like this; it had been a long time and you had almost managed to convince yourself that this other side of your otherwise overly cheerful self no longer existed.

And then you got caught cold.

Your psyche had rubbed it´s middle finger right in your face.

"Honey?" a female voice quaked in the far distance of your consciousness and your blurry and roving gaze turned to the bathroom entrance. The slowly approaching body of your best friend forced itself to kneel in front of you and the warm hands of the ginger haired woman found their place on your upper arms. "I´m here, everything will be fine."

Sitting cross-legged on the cold floor in front of you, she pulled you onto her lap and hugged you tightly, pressing your head against her shoulder. One thing she had learned over the past few years was, that direct physical contact calmed you down much more quickly.

Even though Elizabeth was more or less used to these short but very intense anxiety attacks from you, each one still made her sweat.

"Breathe, baby." Elizabeth gently stroked your back in a smooth circular motion and at the same time she began to rock you in her arms like a small child. "You´re safe with me."

To your own amazement, a switch clicked and a sense of security actually set in your head. Not that the racing of your heart stopped, but the fog that had thickened in front of your inner eyes cleared and your desperate attempts to gasps for it had become calmer.

You clung helplessly to her shirt and closed your eyes. If you had not opened them, the situation you were in was definitely more bearable.

Your body was still shaking in her hold and your hair was sticking to your sweaty forehead, but she gently kissed your hair and rested her cheek on your temple. "You´re doing great, breathe very slowly."

Slowly, you came down from the peak of your panic attack and took a deep breath to release the pressure inside your body while your best friend still had a tight and protective grip on you and was lovingly looking down at you.

After your tremors subsided and your chest moved up and down evenly, she very carefully, almost as if you could break if she moved too fast, pulled away from you a little and looked deep into your swollen eyes and wiped the last falling tears from your cheeks with her thumb. "You made it. I am so proud of you."

"Thank you."

Even faster than your words left your mouth, she shook her head and a soft smile spread across her lips. Elizabeth did not understood why after all these years you were still saying thank you for something that was obvious and self-evident.

After all, you were her best friend and the whole world to her.

[tumblingxelian]

For the Salty Ask, any fandom:

#1 What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

#6 Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*

#11 Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

(Smashes a glass bottle on my face) Let's fucking do this!

#1 What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

Gosh there are too many to list in a single post, and a few may get me targeted assassins XD

I'm quite lukewarm on Rei & Mina from Sailor Moon, maybe reflecting that I wasn't super into the manga & only watched some of the live action stuff but still.

Reylo, obviously. Other Star Wars would be Obi-Wan/anyone really, and also the fact people actually treat Anakin and Padme as romantic or like they could have a functional relationship scares me.

If we do a quick drive-by on ATLA, I really don't get why Azula & Aang became so popular, or Zuko & Katara. Or more, the best explanations I have for them still leave me going :/ at best. So there's that.

In Warcraft we have Thrall & Jaina, which is just 100% a case of, "Wow, they sure are standing next to each other" as far as ships go. Also for WOW is Jaina & Sylvanas, I only get it aesthetically, kinda.

Felix & Kagami from ML has me like ???? I didn't watch past S3 though so ??? Also that people treat Gabirel & Emile or Gabriel & Nathalie as like.. healthy is just... What!? I get the ships, I don't get the fanon spin on them.

In Dragon Ball, this one also draws targeting fire, but I never really got Vegeta & Bulma, which is canon I know, but still. A fling is one thing but an actual relationship just leaves me head-scratching. Also not sure if this is still the case, but I recall Gohan & Piccolo as being weirdly popular back in the olden days, and like, what!?

In DC, oh boy, gonna piss some people off with this one, but:

Bruce & any long term relationship, I don't care if its Selina, Talia, Clark, or Diana, or Harvey. This is not a man who can commit to another human being, because he's committed himself to staling the utterly uninterested Gotham City. Anything claiming otherwise is positively incomprehensible to me.

Also I don't grasp why Dick & Babs is so popular, or Tim & Steph, or Tim & Jason. The former has some history, but it so often feels like crow-barring two former high school crushes who have moved on together against their will. The latter is just like,... No, just no.

Within RWBY, if we are strictly going by popular pairs then I really don't get Weiss & Jaune, or Ruby & Jaune. I'm not even talking about like, V2 behavior or whatever, they've all grown, but I don't see how they've grown in a way that leads to these being popular ships. I had a similar stance on Blake & Sun when it was a major player; like attraction can be there without me thinking it works as a ship.

Also Ironwood & Glynda is just like... She could not be more utterly not into him if she tried, why are you people forcing it? Same with Winter & Qrow, their dynamic doesn't even have a fun rivals to lovers vibe to it.

Also as I believe you mentioned but Oscar & Ruby doesn't click with me. Again, I can sort of follow the logic, but I always end up at, "Why is this what you want?" Because to get to it, at least when it comes to the more intense advocates, it usually involved ripping out all the interesting stuff from their dynamic and characters for hurt comfort fic material.

You're gonna kill me.

But I have similar feelings about Ruby & Penny. I can see it more than Oscar & Ruby, but at the same time I just... It doesn't click with me and most stuff I see of it removes all the interesting character drama and dynamics so I get bored outside of a purely aesthetic appreciation level.

#6 Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*

Sort of an interesting spin on this, I kind of tricked myself into enjoying a ship I previously didn't like through fandom.

Specifically when writing a Sailor Moon fanfic, I tweaked Usagi & Mamoru's dynamic to be a bit more like their mutual antagonism from the early anime, but cos both were on equal footing, I found their banter really enjoyable to write & started vibing with it.

There might be others but I am drawing a blank right now ><

#11 Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Yamcha.

Always Yamcha, forever Yamcha, my poor sweet victim of character desolation, Yamcha!

He's introduced in the comedic part of the series with this premise being that he's a powerful and dangerous bandit, who is chronically shy around girls and is deeply romantic, wanting a family.

He's shown to be a skilled fighter who developed powerful techniques on his own with zero training. He knows tons of martial arts lore, was a nice mix of sensible but brave and basically Goku's big brother.

But he kept getting used as the WORF and then after being killed via kamakaze after stepping up to protect his younger friend from such a fate, he is memed to death by the fandom. & is later characterized as a cheater despite having been nothing but loyal to Bulma across the series. Has his desire for a married life & family surgically removed & given to Krillin, & basically gets treated like trash for the rest of time.

Outside of DB...

Pretty much every character, creature or faction I find interesting in Warcraft is hated or regarded with indifference so that's fun XD

As to specific characters from other series:

Chloe of ML, people hating on an already hated in universe 14 year old whose neglectful, corrupt father left her to be raised by he staff in a room that makes a dentist surgery look homey & who otherwise only taught her the worst lessons imaginable. Along with an emotionally and verbally abusive mother & who was actively groomed by the main villain of the series who has known her since she was a child are just... For fucks sake she's 14.

Lila of ML, she's a messy, confusing ass character cos it seems the writers don't have a solid idea for her. But like, within the first three seasons at least, she's still a 14 year old who has two adults with cameras plated in her room manipulating and controlling her.

Azula of ATLA, another 14 year old who was treat like shit by the adults in her family. She's a weapon to her father, a monster by birth to her mother, "Crazy" to an allegedly kind old uncle who has killed infinitely more people than her & only felt bad when it impacted him. Seriously, fuck all those doing Azula hate. She's a better villain than Ozia, a more merciful and skilled general than Iroh, and seems to have at least some actual loyalty to her family unlike Ursa who only cared about Zuko.

Mai of ATLA, People hate her for her dead pan affect and the fact she's not cradling Zuko's sof lil baby head, and or between him & the ship for him they like. Fuck off again, Mai's fun.

Cinder of RWBY, villains are meant to do bad things. Villains like Cinder do not appreciate being blackmailed. Villains like Cinder don't appreciate people who know their secrets, like using the Lamp, being around to hold it over her head later. She's not stupid, some people just lack media literacy.

Harriet of RWBY, while I get that she's not super popular, I tend to find the level of vitriol she gets uncomfortable at best. Like, it often feels less like people not getting the characters role & more like, some people running will with the chance to be unrelentingly hostile towards a fictional black woman. Elm gets some of this but is more often forgotten.

Talia of DC, there is so much racism both in canon and fanon and its heartbreaking.

[if-mirrormine]

morning news

summary: kennedy's reaction to finding out that mc has reappeared.

word count: 552

based on the ask (and request of many): please write the drabbles with kennedy and alex’s reactions to the news of mc returning there is interest!!!!! i am so interested!!!!!!

**unedited//i don't know how to write a news report**

traffic is slow, crawling along slowly and kennedy taps her fingers against the steering wheel, impatient and without rhythm. she's tired still despite already having one cup of coffee at home and another in a flask sitting in her cup holder but it's obvious the longer she sits there in a barely moving vehicle that it's not the kind of tiredness that yearns for sleep. no; she's tired of the days melding together into one, the routine of waking up and going to work and coming back home only to the exact same thing the next day.

with a heavy sigh, she reaches for the radio in the hopes that music of any kind with soothe the restlessness she feels. but when she hears the spoken voices of the two radio hosts, she signs again. it's just her luck that she'd tune in on the news break. she can't bring herself to flick between stations however so she sinks back in her seat, letting it play.

"good morning, listeners, and welcome back to newsbeat radio. i'm your host, nick harding."

"and i'm your other, more talented host; mai vinh. we've got a truly baffling story to discuss this morning, don't we, nick?"

"you can say that again! in a shocking twist of fate, missing person mc renfield has reappeared after disappearing exactly ten years ago. the circumstances that they've returned under are just as mysterious as the ones they disappeared - it's almost like something out of a movie."

kennedy feels her heart stop beating as she rips her eyes away from road ahead to the radio, as if expecting to see the mc right there. their face flashes through her mind; every word spoken, every laugh, every shared look between her and them plays on a loop and she feels as if she's reliving each one.

mai takes her turn on the mic. "someone call hollywood! after a decade full of dead ends, the community can finally breathe a sigh of relief knowing that mc is alive and seemingly well. but the question on everyone's mind is, where have they been all this time?"

"the authorities have been tight-lipped with the details of their investigation," nick says, taking on a somewhat annoyed tone of voice. "but i've got some theories. i think we're dealing with something much more complex than your average kidnapping."

as if a switch has been flipped, kennedy suddenly feels as though she breathe again and she's already in the process of turning her car around when the conversation goes back to mai.

"watch out listeners, nick's got his tinfoil hat on!" she jokes. "i can't wait to hear what conspiracies you've come up with."

in a strange and sudden burst of anger, kennedy slams her hand against the off button, silencing the radio and leaving a tenseness hanging in the air. the nerve of them, she thinks. mc is a real person that people care about and yet they're treating the case like its a joke. she grips the steering wheel tight as she presses her foot down on the accelerator.

she has to see them, she has to make sure that they're okay, that they really are back. alive and well. safe. she wouldn't be able to function otherwise.

and she knows exactly where to go first.

[silverynight]

Kissing

Tanjirou still doesn't know how he ended up in a relationship with all the hashira. What do they see in him? Why do they like him so much? They're amazing and he's just... himself.

But he doesn't say any of that out loud; he tried once and they all got a little bit irritated before assuring him he's everything they've ever wanted.

It's not like he doesn't enjoy the way they treat him, it's just that he still doesn't quite believe it.

"Tanjirou..."

The boy gasps when he gets placed on Tengen's lap. He's still not used to receiving so much physical affection from them whenever they see him. The sound hashira nuzzles the back of his neck before pressing his lips against Tanjirou's skin.

"Good morning, Tengen-san!" The boy stammers, cheeks turning slightly pink before he moves around to look at the Pillar in the eye. "I–"

"Can I kiss you?"

The question makes him realize he hasn't actually kissed any of them properly, although he's a little bit glad that he had his first already with a girl from his village otherwise he'd be too nervous to function.

"Yes."

Tengen is gentle; he cradles his face in both his hands before softly pressing their lips together. He's a good kisser, Tanjirou realizes it quickly as Tengen deepens it before exploring the redhead's mouth with his tongue.

It leaves Tanjirou breathless and shaking but in a good way.

"I've wanted to do that since we all started courting you..." Tengen admits before pulling him even closer to his chest. Feeling a little bit shy, Tanjirou hides his face in Tengen's chest.

***

Mitsuri gives him a couple of kisses all over the face before aiming for his lips; it's a quick kiss that ends up making her flustered.

"I love you, Tanjirou!"

"I love you too."

Gyomei takes his time, he cuddles with Tanjirou after the boy comes back from a mission; he's tired and the stone hashira knows it, which is why he carries him all the way to the recovery rooms.

Since the bed is not big enough for the both of them, Gyomei lies on it before helping Tanjirou up so the boy can use the Pillar as a mattress.

Of course, Tanjirou is very flustered at first, especially after listening to the butterfly girls' laughter in the background, but he quickly relaxes against him, especially after Gyomei finds his lips and gives him a loving but very determined kiss.

He falls asleep all over the hashira a couple of minutes after that.

***

Muichiro is even more inexperienced than himself; he doesn't kiss Tanjirou, he asks the redhead to initiate the kiss instead. He smiles in response before stroking the other boy's long hair and leaning closer to press their mouths together.

Tanjirou thinks about being gentle at first, but when he moves away, the mist hashira makes a displeased sound and pulls him right back against him.

It's different from the other kisses.

Kyojuro kisses him like he's been starving; he's really enthusiastic, leaving Tanjirou breathless and smiling against the boy's lips like it's the best day of his life.

He tilts Tanjirou's head to the side before deepening the kiss; the flame hashira's lips are warm and desperate, pressing the boy even closer, whispering how much he loves him every now and then when they need to breathe.

***

Despite agreeing to share Tanjirou with the others, Sanemi is really possessive when he kisses the boy; he leaves a few teeth marks on his neck before pressing their mouths together.

Tanjirou knows he's not angry, but he growls into their kiss, sitting the boy on his lap before shoving his tongue inside. It makes Tanjirou shiver and when the wind hashira notices, his lips curl up with triumph before sucking Tanjirou's bottom lip.

Giyuu clears his throat before stealing Tanjirou away, ignoring the other's protests. Although the water hashira doesn't kiss him right away, not even in the same day.

He waits a little bit, but when he finally pulls Tanjirou against himself the next morning, he kisses Tanjirou in a way that ends up surprising him.

He's the most intense out of all of them; Giyuu kisses him like he wants to bind their souls together, he's gentle and sincere, but very determined at the same time. Tanjirou has to take a couple of deep breaths and realizes Giyuu is already chasing after his lips again.

It's like Giyuu can communicate through their kiss, like he's letting Tanjirou know how much he loves him, how long he's been in love with him and what he's willing to do for him by using only his lips.

Obanai startles him by hanging upside down from a tree branch, appearing out of nowhere in front of a very surprised, but amused Tanjirou and demanding a kiss. Tanjirou agrees, but only if he gets to kiss him without all those bandages around the lower half of his face.

He's reluctant at first, but agrees eventually; Tanjirou assures him he doesn't mind any of his scars at all before pressing their mouths together.

"You're very precious to us, Tanjirou," Shinobu assures him, kissing the back of his hand a couple of times before looking at him. "We'd do anything for you."

"You don't have–" Shinobu kisses him to shut him up, but also because she wants to show him how much she loves him.

A couple of tears escape from his eyes when he finally gets it; it's not like he didn't believe them before, not like he hadn't listened to them all those times they told him they loved him.

It's just that Shinobu's kiss makes him think about this others, about every stare, every touch, every sweet emotion coming from them like a very soft scent...

"Yes, we do," she tells him before wiping his tears off with her thumbs. "We love you that much."

Tanjirou's heart feels suddenly warm and full and it occurs to him that his family would be happy for him.

His Pillars really love him.

***

This was requested by one of my patrons a while ago, thank you so much for your support! <3

Patreon

[goddesstrolls]

Hera has an older phone that's dented and cracked along the corners but the screen is largely intact. No nicknames on her contact list but there are emojis before and after names- 💞🩶 for Geonni, 🤎🪱 for Nyphas, ect..

She's considered getting a new phone just so she can take better pictures for Instagrub, but every time she decides she doesn't care that much and goes another half-sweep with the same busted up potato. She has a picture of her and Geonni on her lockscreen and the background is a shot of the desert at sunrise.

Darric has a fully handmade phone that could withstand being thrown at a concrete wall full-force. It's particularly heat resistant and mostly waterproof (pyromancer + often gets covered in blood. lmao) and its chock full of anti-surveillance software. Standard background and lockscreen, though.

Lloric has a beat-up brick of a phone that's barely usable, with multiple shatters on the screen like it got hit with something. There's dried blood in the cracks and the camera is scratched to hell. The background is a picture of him and Missah that she changed it to when they were dating. (He's actually smiling for once.) He doesn't know how to change it to anything else.

Helios' phone appears and functions as normal, but he's altered it to be a suitable storage space if he needs to escape from whatever form he's in at the moment. It even has little legs that can pop out the casing so he can get back to his hive.

Cheran has some stickers on his phone, namely a spiderweb and a bass guitar sticker. There's a chip out of the corner that he's sanded down, but it's otherwise fine. He has the standard background and lockscreen because he feels inexplicably paranoid about having anything important there.

The case of Silans' phone is beat up to hell but the screen is relatively fine (he replaces it when it gets too damaged). His phone has been modified so he can use his eyes to select things and it has a slide-out keyboard. His background is a very bad picture of his lusii's face but the lockscreen is just black.

Raz has a slick fancy troll iPhone that he bullied Kinsra into buying for him when his old one finally went caput. He's magically modified it to scramble attempts to track him through it, and he can also do some other tricks with it. Lockscreen is a picture of Ottana, background is a picture of Kinsra (asleep). There's an arcane ring engraved on a metal plate on the case but that one doesn't actually do anything.

Zara's phone is relatively new and pretty standard. The background is a picture of an art piece she did with her illusions.

Forrin's phone is slightly older and beat up, large and sort of brick-shaped with a waterproof case. The lockscreen is a nice, snowy scenic photo of the mountains and forest, and the background is a cozy shot taken near the fireplace of his hive.

Nari has a cheap, beat up smartphone. His phone is set to redirect calls to voicemail, where the custom message is just him yelling "I'M DEAF YOU DUMB FUCK". Lockscreen and background are each photos of his favorite weapons.

Darvai's phone is completely unremarkable except for that it has some paint smudges on the case.

Nebale has a custom made phone that's completely waterproof, and the screen works when wet/underwater. It's pretty big and the case has extra padding on the corners for grip + protection, but is overall pretty slick and nice-looking. It was a gift from his former employer. Lockscreen is standard, but the background is a picture of the crew of the Argus.

Ro never keeps anything important on his phone and rarely changes the background/lockscreen. Joclyn tends to go through his phone, and has also broken or hid it before. He has a second phone for work (also a backup).

Kairos' phone case is badly damaged, but they've had the glass replaced so it's in good condition. The camera no longer works properly. The background is an old picture of some alien landscape.

[banavalope]

It's been very interesting reading your responses to all the questions about that Japanese article. You speak really well and I've enjoyed reading your POV. I find the whole discourse kind of wild because I've been in fandom for 16+ years. I'm a multishipper and I've always had a 'ship and let live' kind of view to things. There are absolutely things I'm not comfortable with reading/seeing, but the back button and block function are wonderful tools. Plus with fanfiction having such multitudinous tagging options available it's easy to avoid things I don't like.

To me something enjoyed in a fictional space has little correlation to things enjoyed in IRL spaces, but I do have understanding for peoples' reservation when encountering certain topics and being unsure how the creator stands on those topics in a non-fictional space. I try very hard to see the best in people and assume people are good until proven otherwise [and yes this has bitten me in the ass before, but I will continue on].

I'm not quite sure where I was going with this, but yes, I wanted to say thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I've recently returned to Tumblr after a brief stint on Twitter and it's nice to see people talking openly and calmly about things C:

Thank you! As strange as it might be to say, I'm glad the initial anon sparked the discussion at all, because this is the kind of stuff that will gnaw at me pretty often. I've been around in fandoms for over 20 years and enjoy the community aspect, part of that experience has always been in discussing what we enjoy, don't enjoy, enthusiasms, takeaways, and the thrill in the variance of opinion it all has. I love when I have a difference in opinion with somebody in fandom because I want them to have that opportunity to talk about their headcanons. It's enthusiasm! I love creating and being part of collective enthusiasm! Pretty sure that's a shared sentiment by just about anybody.

But then I see the way fandom communities have become increasingly more hostile over time, especially to differences in opinion, and I have to wonder why that is. I've got some good guesses, but then I would have to write a book.

In the event people who haven't left yet are getting sick of this talk, I'm gonna put it under a read more lmao

One thing I've seen go nearly extinct in many areas of fandom has been the concept of agreeing AND disagreeing, both at the same time, with something. I haven't really paid any words to what I disagreed about with the initial article, mostly because I was already saying so much about all that other stuff lol, but like I didn't agree with everything that was said. I had questions of my own.

Overall, I thought it was a good critical look at how I should really just say "I hate pedophiles and other types of sexual abuse" in my tumblr about page, instead of using non-words like proship or anti. I hadn't ever considered how unhelpful it might be, to overseas fandom especially, using hyperniche american slang about something so important to convey.

An outside perspective looking in on my country in a way I could never replicate, afforded me the ability to think about how we can't be compared to Japanese fandom, the artist can take the perspective of a pro shipper to mean someone who's sensible (ship and let live, as you put it) because Japan has entirely different social norms to America. I can't agree with their take on that, but I agree with their take on that at the same time. I would love to know more about the history of japanese online fandom so I could compare and contrast it with my knowledge of american online fandom. I wonder what their biggest problems are with other fans, what their "toxic fan traits" are, if any.

It also got me to think about terms like "block and ignore" or "ship and let live", and how those are sentiments I agree with in core concept, but disagree with at face value. Maybe they've become too vague, like proship and anti. Maybe it's time to change the dialogue to say we should understand that when people fetishize children, the focus is entirely on the age of those characters, how actual predators won't age characters up or talk about aged up versions of characters if their interest in those characters is the fact they're canonically underaged; or establishing that if you as a minor are having issues with seeing something dangerous, when blocking and ignoring is not enough for you as a minor to feel safe, making fandom mentors aware of the dialogue you want to have can help us set a precedent.

I have no idea how many conversations it's going to take for fandom to get to a point where we start being more analytical, but one of these days it would be nice if we could stop painting the flags unanimously red.

[mareenavee]

From the OC asks, but I am a cheaty mc-cheat and an incorrigible crow, SO... these are for your version of Ondolemar, in your future project. Yes, I'm mean like that. Hey once an NPC is a POV, that's pretty much your OC, same rules apply. :-P 2, 14, 29 and just for fun and to balance it out, 33.

Skyrim NPC-to-OC ask for a technically-unannounced spin off fic I have brewing in the background LOL (Please feel free to ask more of these! Post is here.)

You really are an incorrigible corvid, aren't you LOL But no, thank you for this!!! Really. It's only been brewing in the back of my head, and in tiny fragments, so I really had to put some thought into these answers!!

First I'll say this fic is going to be a thing. It's not necessarily a sequel, but more of a spin off. I hinted at it in this post here.

As the ask states, this one is for Ondolemar (:

2. Do they worship any deities, be it aedra or daedra?

Maybe not worship specifically, but he does acknowledge the Aedra and not just to put on appearances. He will repeat the general Thalmor things regarding Auri-El and the other divines when he has to. He admonishes Talos when he has to, and, truthfully, he doesn't actually understand the point of that god to begin with, even without the influence of the Concordat.

He's truthfully not overly religious, really, but he feels indebted to Mara, the goddess of compassion, among other things. Without spoiling too much of the fic, one of his main goals is to help his people get out from under the thumb of the Thalmor. Considering his legacy and parentage, he could have easily been as indoctrinated as the rest of the Thalmor, but he isn't and doesn't subscribe. Something or someone cared to spare him from that or gave him the strength to be able to avoid falling into the whole thing far too deeply to get back out again.

On the other hand he finds Daedra worship repulsive, again due to backstory things that will spoil World and this fic, so I can't reveal here. (:

14. What's their morality like?

It definitely would depend on who you ask. By association with the Thalmor, a lot of people assume he's terrible and evil. He leans into this to keep up appearances, but certain characters know it's not like that at all. He might not be the kindest person on the face of Nirn, but he's got noble goals in the grand scheme of things. Those who really know him and his goals know to trust him, even in situations that would seem otherwise impossible.

The thing is, he still needs to keep up appearances in order to further his goals. Sometimes he has to do things in the name of the Thalmor he'd rather not to protect himself, because he absolutely cannot be caught. Too many lives depend on him. This can sometimes bother him, he does still have to deal with the consequences of behaving in the expected way. He likes to pretend he doesn't care and will do whatever needs to be done, but certain things will weigh on him. Imprisoning a Talos worshiper for appearances? No. But other things will be much more of a struggle for him.

29. What do they think of Skyrim politics? (Jarls, Thanes, empire, high kings, etc)

Skyrim itself is not his primary concern, personally, but because of his job and his status within the Thalmor's presence in the province, of course it has to be front and center in his mind. He needs to know the details of all of this in order to function and to keep blending in. In all, he doesn't mind the idea of Jarls governing huge swaths of lands and working together to select the most qualified High King/Queen.

He believes it could, under normal circumstances, be a decent, almost fair system, if not for general hubris and corruption that power often brings. But then again, he's used to something of a totalitarian government in what's now called Alinor. Now regarding the Empire...he's not impressed with how they've failed to stand up for its people. But he deeply, deeply understands that individual states cannot easily stand up to the Aldmeri Dominion. He knows how bad things can and will be under their complete control. So while he doesn't like the idea behind them at all, and honestly, in another life, would prefer if they'd just collapse already, he recognizes them as perhaps the last line of defense against a greater evil.

33. Do they have a specific color scheme?

WELL. We kind of know his color scheme already, at least in his Thalmor regalia, right? Black and gold. But I'll describe him more generally, I suppose, for this question.

So yes, he still wears his black and gold uniform. He's got a very warm, gilded skin tone. He's a little more on the light skin tone side, probably by virtue of being stuck in Understone Keep more hours than he'd normally prefer. In my hc, he has grown out his hair in recent years, but still keeps the sides shaved/undercut more or less. He ties it back out of his eyes, normally. I figure occasionally, he'll wear a man bun instead of a ponytail lol. Speaking of, his hair is silky, shoulder length and silvery-blonde. His beard is the same color, when he lets it grow out more than it already is. When he's in civilian attire, he'll usually wear light gray clothing. Maybe a slate blue-gray travel cloak, depending on what he's up to out of uniform, anyway.

I know this was only little glimpse of this project, but I hope it was fun to read anyway! And that there's some hype for the story, maybe? (:

[kayforpay]

new trolls bc I can't help myself

VISPER and CIPHER RESVAK, blueblood twins!

visper is she/they, cipher is he/they, but they look exactly alike.

about 6'4" tall, their horns start at their temples and curl up, away from their faces, and end in three tiers of cones. they both have large, deer-like eyes, long eyelashes, sharp cheekbones, wide mouths with full lips, and roman noses. their hair is worn short, and in carefully maintained spikes all over their heads. they both have labret and dahlia piercings as well as their ears pierced three times each.

they were joined at the shoulder in the egg, the uppermost joint on their grub bodies, and since neither of them ended up lacking nutrients and they both survived, they were brought in at about 2 sweeps old to be separated (against their consent, obviously).

visper's left arm, shoulder down, is fully mechanical and connects to an implanted plug in their joint socket. it has minimal scarring and doesn't usually hurt, but needs to be cleaned religiously or they will lose function in their hand. the arm is mostly steel, but plated gold, and has small gemstones for "fingernails". cipher's right arm, the exact mirror, is the same.

their lusus is a two-headed naga, and a lot of their time as children involved keeping their lusus from fighting itself

their fashion style is what I'm calling prepmetal; that is, very clean and maintained with the vague look of "metal" as it appears in pop media; leather jackets that have no scratches, pre-ripped jeans, that kinda thing. they're part of the highblood metal subculture, which is basically rebelling against the system that keeps them in power because they know they'll face no real reprecussions.

they have no special powers or abilities, including STRENGTH, but since they spend almost every second of their lives together, they can read each others' body language to the point that it almost seems like they have some kind of telekenisis.

they have an on and off thing going with rereve and acules, but they don't really label it. otherwise, they've never met any of the other fantrolls, and keep to their own circles.

it's like, they met acules and rereve at a store in the highblood part of town and got weirdly enthralled by their equally unhealthy relationship, and just can't seem to drop them lmao

typing quirk for visper is: the quick brown fox jumpss over the lazy dog

typing quirk for cipher is: ssphynx of black quartz, judge my vow

[kazumahashimoto]

waiting for the kitchen to be free i'm gonna wall of text about burst s7 and how it could have been better

i think for starters ditching bel and that crew would have been the best decision. i mean in general deciding to stick with bel as a protag is so. weird? like we've been protag hopping every season since 3 so why suddenly decide to make a second season for BEL of all characters. my best guess is that they didn't want to fully commit to having a girl as the MAIN protagonist but quite frankly the season would have been better for it! bel as a character is not really one that was given much opportunity to Grow, and i mean that from day 1 of s6 all the way to the end of s7. he's a silly character that's meant to never get too down on himself, and that's Fine, but they never Take that anywhere. he has a few moments of vulnerability but he springs back up same as before every time. it doesn't help that all of the antagonists they've thrown at him have kind of been flops, but he should still be able to have his own growth outside of that. but he doesn't. so forming a whole nother season surrounding HIM is a bizarre choice. honestly feel like bringing aiger back would have served this purpose better if they really wanted to have familiar faces to go with pri. definitely think they should have just let her have her own new cast though.

but speaking of familiar faces, one thing i think s7 totally failed at was the cameos. besides ken of course. i think ken was a FANTASTIC choice for pri's character, allowing her to dig into the way she feels about quadra and the mask more, but i wish they'd gone further into this idea!! xander, as much as i love him, really doesn't have a narrative to pursue? like that's never really been his function, and that's clear as day when you get to him and the most he does is reminisce on old times and then fight bel for his grandpa. i think zac would have been a much better person to insert here! zac shows another side of the idea of identity. where for ken, there isn't really a place where ken stops and keru and besu begin, that's not entirely the case for zac! Zac The Sunrise is different from Zachary Kaneguro. zac is his persona, his idol identity, and while he definitely put himself into that role, ultimately that's not all of who he is. i think it's a similar case for pri, where she Does feel like quadra is a part of who she is, quadra does also represent an elevation of her regular self, a performance. and i think zac would be an excellent vessel to show that through!! we don't see zac out of his idol mode much, and i think he could learn something from the experience too.

now, kit Fucking lopez is kind of a bizarre choice. even weirder than xander. idk who was out there begging to see Kit Lopez again, but we sure got him. i think this section would be better filled by shu. not a spectacular cameo to have since shu's already otherwise in the season, but i think it makes the most thematic sense. shu also has experience with masks, though his was a negative one. i'm pretty sure pax even says the reason he created pri's mask in the first place was Because of how much stronger shu got as red eye, so why was he not more involved with pri!!!!! pri's feelings towards the mask are not exclusively positive ones, and i think she could explore those feelings further by talking with shu. she likes the performance and the showiness she gets to have while wearing the mask, but she doesn't like what the mask was ultimately made for, and she doesn't like how pax tries to control her with it. not unlike how shu was!

unfortunately i don't think they were really thinking about the narrative importance of any of the cameos outside of ken and just wanted to put some old faces on the screen (so why kit lopez and not. anybody else?!??!?!?!?? anyway.) WHICH SUCKS. and pri not being allowed the full spotlight led to such an unsatisfying ending for her character, and made pax an even bigger flop villain than he already was. and bel didn't even really do anything. or change. he's just kind of there to steal her thunder and piss her off sometimes. flop season. i could fix you.

[cakeandpi]

If you turned them into silhouettes you literally can't tell them apart. The arrangement of their bangs shouldn't be the 'who's who' difference

[flowerflamestars]

Main Issues with Feysand's leadership: it mostly consists on rather inmature, underdeveloped strategy that would in no way get a world leader very far in the real world (see: 'i schooled my face into a look of boredom'), seem content in making enemies left to right as long as they never have to step down from the pedestal that they've built, and see Illyria as a necessary evil, like wtf. In conclusion, Rhysand is a governor for Velaris, but is not fit to be the ruler of the Night Court.

Rounding caveat, because I know I’m going to get shouty: the dividing line between ToG and ACOTAR is that tog is a fantasy series with romance, and acotar is a romance series in a fantasy world. They’re not the same. I’d be totally fine with how the world building in acotar is v handywavy, because it’s still accomplishing what the books set out to do (tell a love story, hello acomaf) but- BUT, it’s not consistent. And that inconsistency wildly undermines the characters.

And god, if Rhysand as a ruler isn’t the heart of ???? spirit.

We’re not going to talk about how the plot of acotar only makes sense backwards (Hey, Rhys, why did you want to kidnap every month a powerless mortal girl???), we’re just going to talk about reputation.

So Rhys is a villain who we learn isn’t actually evil. A classic. He was made to do terrible things by Amarantha! He sacrificed himself to save his friends! Of course the High Lords hate him, they think he sided with the enemy.

That could have been the whole thing- the layers pulled back, Rhysand also a victim, a reason for the world to hate him but for Feyre to see otherwise.

OKAY BUT- then we learn? that Rhysand has been playing Evil Scary Jackass in all political situations? for his entire reign? that’s just what he does?

Round two: Rhys had to be Amarantha’s because he had to “shield the knowledge” of his friends and his capitol? city. 

BUT- other people Under the Mountain, also accessible to Amarantha, know the IC??? have been acquainted with them for years? They’re not a secret. Mor was almost married out, Az and Cas are legendary, Amren is a story people tell. 

And all those people are probably incentivized by the fact that, you know, they think Rhysand is an evil traitor.

Furthermore: guess who willing cooperated with Amarantha? The Court of Nightmares. Recall who, surprise in acowar, knows all about Velaris: Keir.

Round three: Sexy Evil Cosplay, wherein we learn that not only instead of just keeping it together in politics Rhys has adopted an entire secondary persona, we learn he also...uses this persona...to scare all the other highborn faeries into submission....so he? never has to talk to them?

BUT ALSO: this whole thing is undermined by, once more, Keir. 

The whole game on the throne is to instill fear/ control of Keir. The whole Second Face. But Keir knows about Velaris? Keir knows exactly what Rhys stands for because Rhys and Cassian tried to rescue Morrigan from the Court of Nightmares when they were teens. Hell, Keir probably knew Rhys when Rhys was a kid.

It’s almost like eventually the person you pretend to be becomes who you are.

I think the Political Rhys vs Real Rhys started out as a plot point, but in character became this: not someone separate at all, but actually, Rhysand’s coping mechanism for making shitty choices.

See: if everyone in the Court of Nightmares bows, I’m ruling them. It doesn’t matter that women are being sold, that there’s servants and presumably totally normal people trapped in a mountain they can’t leave with people I think are monsters.

Let’s jump to Illyria. 

How much easier is it, for Rhysand, half-Illyrian himself, to align wholly with the High Fae and say: no, it’s Illyria’s fault. They’re savages, they’re barbarians. 

Easy as being a dick to other powerful men because it’s fun when they can’t fight back.

If the blame isn’t his, he keeps his army. He doesn’t have to fight a civil war that might swallow him whole, considering Illyria is the army he controls vs the High Fae soldiers left entirely under Keir’s rule. 

If it’s Illyria’s fault he can successfully reimagine the past as he clearly needs to (someday, I’ll make a whole ass post about Rhysand’s mommy issues and how they creepily bleed into Feyre’s characterization, but one thing at a time).

If it’s Illyria’s fault, he can’t be mad about his Mother, daughter of a warrior race, offering him up for brutal, dangerous training. It’s the fault of Illyria. He doesn’t have to imagine he was learning those things, fighting in the mud, because it was the only way his mother could pass the legacy, could say, look, this is where I come from and someday you will have the power to make it better for your sister, for everyone.

He LOVED his mother. He wears the sacred tattoos, manifests wings, has Illyrian “brothers”.

But- It’s Illyria’s fault, so Rhys didn’t fail, Rhys is doing his duty by keeping them in line. 

Which brings us to the war.

I’m unclear on why only the Night Court knew Hybern was coming, but let’s just accept that. 

But it’s all about the Public Face, moving in the shadows, the two Rhysands. So for the months Feyre is wasting away with Tamlin, planning her wedding Rhys...doesn’t warn anyone. Doesn’t whisper to the other High Lords to shore up defenses.

He makes a plan contingent on 1)that creepy deal with Feyre that he can now both justify and doesn’t want to enforce knowing she’s his mate, and 2) long lost magical objects no one knows the location of, and that don’t belong to him.

Rhys got SO used to the All-Knowing Dickbag face, it’s like he started believing he was all knowing. He’s one of seven Lords, but he doesn’t talk to any of them, on the off chance they don’t do exactly as he says. He steals from Tarquin, a young High Lord kind enough to take a chance on him. He tricks Mor. He lies to...everyone?

And then it’s a big deal, a failure on their part, when at the FINAL HOUR AND LAST MOMENT BEFORE ALL OUT WAR, AFTER THE SECOND INVASION HAS ALREADY COMMENCED, when the High Lords don’t jump to trust Rhys.

A step back, a Feyre tangent: Feyre, younger, also deeply traumatized, falls into this hard. Rhys tells her he’s the underdog, and she believes it. He’s SO SO SO powerful he can take the voice of another High Lord, Feyre herself thinks he’s so magical the gap between him and his contemporaries is like that between humans and high fae-

But hey wait, they don’t trust him because he’s been a dick for five hundred years. 

But hey wait, they came as their true selves, they don’t trust him while he’s WEARING ILLYRIAN WINGS- IT’S BECAUSE HE’S DIFFERENT-

No, it is not, but Feyre’s POV sort of wants us to think so.

And that’s where everything sort of falls apart.

The act of power has stopped being an act- it’s just their actions now. And they do not know how to stop.

Because they are in control, and they have to go on for the war. They have to keep making decisions, even if they’ve lost the thread, because they want to survive.

But they do survive.

And it turns out, even after that, they can’t put down the masks fused to their faces, because the act is the only thing keeping them together.

So the balls to the wall, We Must have the High Ground Even at Our Own Dinner Parties, The Center MUST Hold shit just keeps going: tearing down Lucien because he chose something that wasn’t their Court. Letting Illyria crumble because they don’t need the army right now. Banishing Nesta because she’ll never bow to authority.

All the weird, incestuous feeling inter IC drama.

But they’re the underdogs! the Heroes! It’s not their fault! 

So they spend their time in Velaris, charmingly hanging out like they’re normal people, thinking they’re better because power is wielded on an unimaginable personal scale.

Rhys loves his people! Rhys sacrificed!

Rhys...careened from one war/disaster to the next, and then settled down to play house?

The narrative cannot decide: is Rhys really an underdog, devoted to his people? How about he helps every other city that Amarantha destroyed?

Is Rhys a Normal Guy who just wants to walk on pretty cobblestone and have a cute, happy family? Maybe, there should be a government so he isn’t solely responsible for everything?

Is Rhys the Lord of Darkness Redeemed by LOVE?  Cool, let’s have him maybe he honest with Feyre exactly once, OR, at least talk about how him dying made her go off the rails and try to fix that with a bandage that isn’t baby shaped before Feyre’s 22nd birthday. 

Canonically, becoming High Lord is a mystical, magical endowment. That then, for the most part, functions as some kind of mashup Monarchy/ Feudal Lordship.

If that’s what it is, why can’t we lean into that? Rhys who does want a normal happy life with Feyre, trapped by the weight of immovable magic destiny.

King Rhys, duty bound to his bloodline and his people, torn between different ways to rule. 

Hell, Rhysand who really is a monster, because maybe Faeries are monstrous by human standards, who shows Feyre the beauty that lies beneath the brutality in a magic, surreal world where everyone is terrifying, but even monsters love.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

I started thinking about Chiara, Merula and Badeea. These people are pretty good representations of their houses, but they've never seemed to meet and interact with each other, so i was wondering how these 3 meeting (not necessarily altogether at the same time) would play out in your head. I thought it'd be an interesting scenario since they really embody their respective houses and their personalities differ quite a bit- the bright witch, the ambitious (insecure?) bully and the sweet, shy one.

This is curious, because I got another Ask recently that was about Merula and Chiara. Was that you? If not, that’s a hilarious coincidence, but let’s try and figure something out here. (This is basically going to be fan-fiction so brace yourself.)

Here’s the scenario: MC holds a Circle meeting and gives everyone jobs that involve splitting off into groups. One group is going to investigate the Sunken Vault. This would be MC, Ben, and maybe Barnaby or something. One group is going to keep an eye on the staff and keep folks like Snape and Filch distracted. Tulip, Tonks, Diego, people of the like. The final group is one that’s going to investigate Rakepick and R. This will be Badeea, Chiara, and Merula, who would have insisted on joinging. 

I don’t imagine either of the others are that thrilled that Merula is coming along, and were probably both looking forward to working together otherwise. Badeea is probably curious about Chiara, and while Chiara doesn’t like socializing in general, I think she’d be able to tell that Badeea was “safe.” Certainly more-so than Merula. So, how are they going to investigate? Merula wants to charge in, but Badeea and Chiara both discourage it. Chiara wonders if there might be a clue they’ve already missed. That’s when Badeea hatches her plan. 

She sets to work painting, while Merula busies herself grilling Chiara for her wallflower-like behavior, thinking she could be the Mole. It’s not Chiara, but she’s clearly hiding something, and Merula tries to pull Badeea aside to tell her this, but Badeea has finished with her painting. It is of Knockturn Alley. To be precise, she has painted the Infiltration meeting. It’s a moving portrait, of course, because magic. 

The three witches observe the scene playing out, as Badeea explains that she has mimicked the magic found in Pensieves to recreate the scene based on what MC, Tonks and Jae recounted. Merula thoughtlessly reaches out to touch it and Chiara tries to stop her but it’s too late. The three are absorbed into the painting. Now, it’s not the same as the Portrait Curse, but they’re still stuck in there until Badeea can find a way to get them out. 

Meanwhile, Merula almost instinctively aims her wand at Rakepick, even though it’s not actually Rakepick but MC, and none of this is real anyway. Chiara frantically hushes Merula, as well as Badeea who is trying to stop her. For Chiara recognizes the dark witch as being one of Greyback’s gang. Which means Greyback could be involved with R. It’s a potential lead. 

Meanwhile, Badeea, despite studying the borders of the painting, is listening closely to the discussion about the mole. Everything is interrupted by the arrivals of Rakepick, Moody, and Jacob. Badeea discovers the opening to escape, and Chiara has to beg Merula, holding her back from charging at Rakepick, to get her through the “portal.” The Portrait illusion of Rakepick, and of MC for that matter, both taunting Merula.

Once they’re all out, everyone is upset. Badeea wants to know why Chiara recognized the dark witch, and Merula accuses her of being the mole. However, she’s also furious with Badeea for nearly trapping them in that painting and thinks it could be her as well. Badeea and Chiara are both upset with Merula for putting their safety on the line to try and rescue her, and Merula shoots back that she never asked for their help. 

Merula storms away to meet with MC and Ben, leaving Chiara and Badeea to talk about everything. They both realize that Merula is going through a lot more pain than she admits, and Badeea calls out Chiara in the same way. She’s figured out that both of them keep secrets, even if it’s just secret feelings. Chiara, desperate to deflect, counters that Badeea is like a mad muggle scientist, eager to experiment with magic and not caring about the risks. 

The three of them don’t work together again for a while, because it was such a disaster. But just before Merula goes off to the Sunken Vault, Badeea gathers her and Chiara together, and tells that that she’s arrived at a thesis about the Circle of Khanna. Merula already doesn’t care, and Chiara is nervous, but Badeea goes on to explain that everyone is here because what was done to Rowan was wrong, and it can’t be allowed to happen again. Everyone has different reasons for participating, and different ways they contribute. Merula is the muscle. Chiara is the healer. And Badeea is the thinker. We can get some backstory about her friendship with Rowan if we like, but the bottom line is, she trusts everyone in the Circle. Everyone. 

She gives each of them a portrait of a setting sun, and tells that that it functions like a sneakoscope. If the sun fully sets and the portrait becomes a night-fall, they’re in danger. Both of them awkwardly accept, now feeling a little sheepish after Badeea’s confident declaration of trust in them. Chiara concedes that she’s definitely a private person, but is loyal to the Circle, no doubt. Merula also concedes that she’s not always friendly, but that they can depend on her leadership. (We’ll just ignore that she’s not the leader. 

After Badeea leaves...Merula doesn’t apologize to Chiara, in typical Merula fashion, but also insists that she’s “too weak” to be the mole. Chiara rolls her eyes at this, but also tells Merula that she doesn’t have to do everything alone. Not even facing Rakepick. After all, that kind of thinking is what caused Rowan to...she breaks off. Merula is discomforted by the sincerity but still appreciates it, and she heads into the Sunken Vault with Badeea’s mini-sunset portrait tucked into her robes. 

Basically, it’s a TLSQ that doesn’t feature MC. Now that’s a million galleon idea right there, Jam City. I’m just saying, it would be a cool change of pace. 

[spnsmile]

"I believe in her."

Cas couldn't take his eyes away from Dean. Even when Sam left, all he could do is stare and when Dean notices, he returns it with intent.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"You don't really believe her, right? Billie?"

"Why the sudden change of mind?" Dean takes a sip of his beer. Castiel looks at him thoughtfully.

"Sam's just... Asking the right question, I mean. What's her end game? What happens if Jack succeeds? What's next...?"

"Ain't it paradise?"

Castiel pauses. He didn't think Dean would remember so continues frowning and watched Dean straighten himself as much as his bowlegs would allow.

"Well, no choice but go with the greater of the two evils, Cas. And right now the guy who's planning the old comedy "wipe out the world" takes the cake."

"Dean, she's Death. As far as I'm concerned if any entity out there wants you dead for good, it's her. You're not worried she could use this opportunity to get you? Like killing two birds with blunt force of one stone... in one very violent throw... Don't laugh, she of all people wants you dead."

Cas swallows hard, the idea cementing in his brain now he's vocal about it.

And Dean just chuckles?

"She could. But if she's using us to get rid of Chuck, then that means wanting me dead also takes the back burner. For now we see eye to eye. Chuck has to go first dibs. If she needs to use us then we gotta hold hands, run up to the sunset and see where she takes us."

"That is highly optimistic view, even for you, Dean. Considering she's been trying to get you killed

"She's death, it's her obsession, Cas. Talking about death." the hunter smirks, making the angel bristle.

"This isn't funny, Dean."

"I know, Cas. You know I get it, okay. But whatever she's got drawn up her blue print, doesn't change the fact that she still gotta line up the queue." Dean shrugs and it's not nonchalance that Castiel sees in his eyes.

It's absolute faith for this cause. One where Dean will be fighting with him until the last battle.

Until his last breath. After that, what?

Castiel closes his eyes.

"I'm saying I don't want you to die." he finally says, all raw emotions out. He feels Dean look his way, know the startled expression is in there without needing to look and hates it.

Why Dean always need to be surprise when someone tells him they don't want him dead never ceases to anger him.

Like Dean believes everyone wants him dead. Then again, considering things he's been through...

"Hey, Cas?"

Castiel engages the man with a look.

And like its not enough that they've been throwing furtive looks at each other in the presence of Sam, the man has the gall to stand and seat in that distracting position where he can fully see the man's lips and thick bowlegs presenting just within his reach while smiling like he know what he's doing.

The way Dean can look so full of affection with green eyes that just flickers expressively towards his direction with long lashes dusting his freckled cheeks. The way he opens his emotions to Castiels without restraint, letting him glimpse the soul so bright in its form he once rebuilt

I want closer

But he stays where he is, even when Dean openly invites him silently to come closer, his eyes expectant and soft and full of love.

Cas remains where he is perched.

Control. He gives it seven seconds count to take over the reel of feelings pulling him to Dean. The same way when Dean's eyes were grateful and bursting and happy, almost singing praises when they reconciled after his solemn prayer. Dean is gazing at him with the same adoration same loving affection overflowing and so full of hope.

So full of love. Something Castiel knows he cannot accept so he ducks his eyes. He knows exactly why the pull is strong this time. It's Dean. Dean's longing.

Dean's prayers.

So loud and intense. It wants him.

It's madness how the tables have turned. Unlike before where the boat is tipping on his side, this time, Dean's the one putting the weight. Dean's the one screaming in silence of his love.

But he can't. Not yet.

He has a mission here otherwise... He thinks of Jack and the mission.

Focus...

But it's too late when he looked up, he only sees Dean smile sadly and nod, before finishing the last whiskey on his glass, the sparks in his eyes dimming.

Dean wipes his chin with the back of his hand, his lips making smacking sound too loud to ignore.

"See you later, Cas." he says quietly, monotone and Castielf, angel that he is feels the swift slap of coldness on his skin. The worst was when Dean turns to go without meeting Castiel's eyes even when the angel has pushed himself off his wall and was waiting, but Dean goes- moves away.

Dean is leaving him and thwe sharp jab on the organ functioning as his heart makes Castiel call Dean back.

"Wait." He finds his hand curling on Dean's elbow, pulling him back.

"Dean." he hesitates, unable to pluck up the courage to say in fear that he might say too much. But ever as it happens, it's Dean who easrs him out of his misery with a simple flicker on his eyes and careful smile.om his lips. Castiel relaxes. Dean is still looking deeply in his eyes. "I want some."

"Want something from me?" Dean licks his lips, then raises both eyebrows when Cas eyes empty glass he's holding. "Oh." and Dean laughs in embarassment for some reason, the flush color on his cheeks gives Cas a wonderful view of his tanning freckles.

"Wanna drink with me?"

"Yeah, so bad, I'm thirsty for you."

Dean is in love with him and the hunter isn't even trying to hide it anymore. These are the thoughts that played across Castiel's mind as he sit with Dean in the library, listening to Deam praise him, Dean giving him all his attention and Dean being just too endearing.

Tried as he might not to fall for it like when Dean was praying to him in Purgatory, Castiel can't help gazing back with the same contentment and joy. Overflowing happiness of just sitting here, talking and talking like they haven't spoken to each other in years.

And the best part?

Dean's smiling unbiddenly with eyes just taking in Castiel. He sees the way Dean catches him smile, the way Dean's cheeks blushes. Castiel was glad there was a table between them or he was afraid what his instincts might do on impulse with Dean being like that.

He wants to kiss him. Instead, grabs his glasses without really drinking. He just listens to Dean's voice. Listen to Dean talk to him and it reminds suddenly of his fear of losing everything.

He realizes there's too little time to be with Dean so he memorizes everything. He memorizes a lot, even the exact moment Dean throws that wonderful look and raises a glass in his direction.

Cas' heart leaps in the air and he too is smiling and loving Dean so much, the only pull back to his heart when they toasted is the fact he can't tell Dean.

He wouldn't think about it for now. He too has faith in his choice and that is Jack. He is choosing Jack. Jack who is the answer to Castiel's crumbling faith whenever he thinks of the number of ways he can lose Dean.

"Hey."

Castiel looks up. He didn't notice Dean already standing in front of him. The angel blinks.

"What?"

"I was just telling Jody good night. She just called, asking how everybody is... And i told her I'm a very good kid today. She told me I'm drunk." Dean pouts.

"You want me to detoxify you?" Castiel tilts his head inquiringly. Dean stares with heavy eyes.

"Yeah, may need to drive."

"Where are you going?" Castiel frowns, a hand already raised. Dean blinks then slowly levels his eyes on the angel sitting in the chair.

"Somewhere. I feel happy, you see... But sad too... So I already spent my happy here with you. Time to go crush the bad. So driving."

"Why are you sad?" he cups Dean's face in alarm, his little world on his hand. So he wasn't mistaken. Behind Dean's eyes...

"It's okay..." Dean smiles, "Everyone's a little sad inside."

"Why?" he insists.

A long pause. Dean blinks slowly.

"Can't be together, you and I... So i gotta... Uh... Have to deal the sad without you...if we can't be together..."

"But we're together here."

Dean shakes his head. "I'm choosing. So are you. In the end we're gonna... I'm gonna have to deal with myself alone. There's no you out there. I have to prepare."

"Dean, what the hell are you talking about?" he hears him but he cannot understand him. Dean kneels in front of him all of a sudden, both hands taking Castiel's hands and clasping them with his own. The look Dean gives him after that is pure and honest, like souls bursting of its true form.

"I'm saying I understand why you can't... We can't. I understand it's the world or us... And that's not even a choice. I'm saying I understand you're the only angel who can save the world. So i want you to do it without holding back. Without thinking about whether I live or die. I want you to do that, Cas."

Castiel gasps. He sees no doubt in Dean's eyes. Watches as Dean brings his hand to his lips gently.

"Me dying doesn't compare to the world, Cas. So dont worry about me or Billie or whatever hell. You got your hands full, I got mine. So... i gotta drive."

Castiel sighs, then kisses Dean on the forehead. Clarity returns in the green eyes that blinks at him in surprise. Then Castiel stands up, nearly knocking Dean on his feet.

"I'm going with you."

"No, Cas. This is not the point-"

"I don't understand the point alright. I don't." Castiel grabs Dean's collar, sharp eyes full of meaning. "Don't make me understand why after everything... why after everything I've done, I'm still not going to be allowed to stay with you. I won't understand. And if this universe insists that? They're going to have to make a different bargain because I want you at the end of the road, Dean. It's you I think about when I think of win. And when that happens, I'll tell you loud and clear. I'll tell you what you already know. What I can't tell you now. I will. And it's not goodbye. So hold on to me. I will always find you. Do you believe me?"

It takes one smile from Dean and their foreheads pressing together.

"I believe you, Cas." ✨

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: You got no business looking that good Rio: This is a religious holiday Buster: Don't look at me like that Buster: You're being unholy yourself, like Rio: Ha, try and make me stop Rio: we're fine, everyone's too busy with their lamb, thanks da Buster: You might be fine but I'm eventually gonna have to get up from this table Rio: You want me to pass you some water, babe? Buster: Don't you dare Rio: Salt? The peas? Buster: Behave Rio: But I'm bored Rio: and you're hot Buster: Well, bored isn't the word for how you're making me feel Buster: And don't start me on how you fucking look Rio: But I need to know what you're thinking Buster: But I thought you knew everything, babe Buster: Losing your touch already, like Rio: You want me to show you I ain't here and now? Rio: Well, okay Buster: Okay Buster: Go on Rio: Damn, been a while since I had to play footsie Buster: If you aren't up to it, like Rio: Please Rio: You know I could get you off from here if I wanted to Buster: You promising or warning me? Rio: Neither Rio: 😇 naturally Rio: wish it was though Buster: I wish you were on my lap right now Rio: Baby 😩 Rio: Play nice Buster: 😇 Buster: Get me a drink, yeah? I wanna see more of you Rio: What you want? Buster: Surprise me Rio: Stick to your usual Rio: Raising enough eyebrows being civil, never mind if I get you a 🍸 Buster: 😂 Buster: I can throw it back in your face if you like Buster: Be very uncivil Rio: 😂 Rio: I know you want me on you but you want it that bad you'll settle for a fat lip Buster: I'll take it if you call me later to make up Rio: Face that cute? I could never Rio: Though makeup sex is always worth it Buster: Never say never, babe Rio: You planning to get me that mad already? Buster: Like you said, we're raising eyebrows otherwise Rio: Hmpf Buster: Don't look at me like that either Rio: I can't help it Rio: I want you Rio: I hate pretending otherwise Rio: even though we gotta, obvs Buster: I know, babe Buster: There's gotta be something this fam is running low on so I can be a gent and take you to buy more Rio: Not fucking eggs that's for sure, think they've forgotten we ain't kids anymore Rio: the haul Jay's gonna walk away with will last her 'til she's at least 2 Buster: Maybe if I leave them here Buster: Chlo ain't got the willpower or memo that she ain't a kid herself Buster: I'd offer to keep drinking so we run out but I already don't trust myself around you Rio: Wouldn't be a proper function if someone didn't get wasted and disgrace themselves Rio: Put you to bed before you properly drag us both down, don't worry babe Buster: Don't, I need you to take me to bed Buster: or anywhere else Rio: I know Rio: I'll think of something Buster: Couldn't you have worn a church look or whatever Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: This is my church look Rio: turning it out for Jesus 💁 Buster: 'Course Buster: Ready to pray, yeah? Rio: Think pretending I dropped something only works in the porn but I'm game to see if you are Buster: I'm game for everything Rio: I know Rio: Thank fuck 🙌🙏 Buster: Am I a bad person if I use my kid as an excuse to leave? Rio: Hmm Rio: Probably but church portion of the day well out the way so even the big man can't be judging Buster: Fuck I can't though, can I? She's loving all this Rio: Yeah, bless her Buster: Least she's too young to know that her mum didn't contribute to the easter basket or even wish her a happy one Buster: Too busy flirting with me, like Rio: 😒 Rio: Bitch Buster: I told her me and Erin broke up 'cause there was someone else but she only heard the first part, obviously Buster: Not even any of her business what I do but that's a whole other story Rio: That'll be fun then, thinking she's got more of a chance than she usually does Rio: How does she not die of shame, like Buster: She'll outlive everyone Buster: Just to fuck me off Rio: 😂 Rio: all those spa trips Rio: going to the fucking fountain of youth Buster: Honestly Buster: I'm gonna need a buy myself a spa if she goes through with her plan to come here and pick Jay up Rio: 😬 Rio: least I get to see her best attempt at a seduce 'em 'fit Rio: see what I'm up against, like Buster: 😂 Buster: Indie's got more game and she's a kid Rio: pass on the compliment Rio: full of the joys of spring, babe Buster: She'll love that. I've seen her looking at me when I'm trying not to look at you Rio: Can't blame her Rio: You look especially good rn Buster: Still not on your level, babe Buster: You're so fucking beautiful Rio: Don't Rio: gonna make me blush Buster: I have to Buster: You need to know Rio: Baby Rio: Come find me in 5 idc Rio: I've got to see you properly Buster: Where? Rio: The studio upstairs Rio: there's old toys and shit in there that we can be trying to find Buster: and good lighting Buster: 'cause you know I wanna see you properly too Rio: Exactly Rio: you can appreciate fully Buster: I'm really appreciating how loud this fam is right now Rio: Got their uses Buster: If Jay gets much more hype there ain't nothing I couldn't do that they'd pick up on Rio: She's stealing your thunder, it true Rio: everyone too 😍 to notice us Buster: Good Buster: I only want you to notice me anyway Buster: No offense Indie Rio: Trust, I've not been able to focus on anything else Buster: I'm not sorry Rio: Me either but still gonna make you 😏 Buster: Go Buster: I'll see you in 5 Rio: 👋 Buster: I can't believe we actually got away with that Buster: Again Rio: We're just that good Rio: or they're just really deaf Buster: I like option 1 Buster: You're so good, Rio Rio: You too baby Rio: No matter how many times you make me cum, never enough, like Rio: mad Buster: What are you doing later? Buster: Come over and I won't stop Rio: Got a shift but can probably pop 'round after and Indie won't be home yet to clock I'm not Rio: thinks I got a mans anyway so Buster: As long as you don't wake Jay you can come over when you want Buster: Yeah? What did you tell her Rio: Of course Rio: 😶😇 Rio: Oh, that I've been fucking you, obviously Buster: Cheers for making me choke on my drink like a soft cunt, babe Buster: Hilarious Buster: Grandad's looking at me like I killed a bloke Rio: 😂 sacrilege to not be able to handle your drink in this fam Rio: just can't handle my bants, soz babe Buster: He'd rather I did someone over with my glass, I know Rio: Questionable ethics for a easter egg hunt for kiddos but go off, old man Buster: 😂 Buster: Gotta keep that competitive edge Rio: Don't, this lot need a referee Rio: putting Indie and Jan on time out Buster: I volunteer Grace Buster: Imagine like Rio: Definition of lamb to the slaughter Rio: appropriate for today but poor girl 😂 Buster: I'll cut her some slack, she's good with my kid Rio: Yeah Rio: who doesn't love a cute new baby Rio: programmed to in this fam Buster: True Buster: Only reason I ain't disinherited Rio: Weren't you're 'rents basically your age anyway? Rio: Can't judge when you make the same mistakes, just be very, very disappointed on the low 😜 Buster: Different story that we're all sick of hearing though, ain't it? Buster: My dad was in love with my mum when he was like 7 Rio: 'bout to say that's a madness but did mine really mature much in those 8 years like? Rio: 🙄 mental, all of 'em Buster: This fucking fam 🙄🙄 Buster: I'd rather be like Chlo who Rio: As much as she is that forgettable, defs not gonna happen on her watch is it Buster: She's still flirting Buster: Give it up, babe Buster: But like don't Rio: Pretend to be your new crazy gf if you wanna Rio: losing her mind searching for socials that don't exist Buster: Please Rio: Easy Rio: Comforted enough of my friends when they're in the wrong to know how to go off Buster: Come through for me then Rio: Fun Rio: Lemme hit up Grace for her straighteners Buster: She'll be buzzing Rio: Forreal, always trying to come for my hair Buster: 😒 Rio: Probably does look a mess now no thanks to you Rio: like bitch, you been dragged through a hedge backwards what's good Buster: Shut up Buster: You know you look good Rio: You might've mentioned a few times 😋 Buster: I'll show you a few more times if you need me to Buster: Just say the word, like Rio: Trying to get me to say the p word Rio: Gonna have to do better Buster: If I was trying you'd have already said it Rio: Promises, promises Rio: Can have that one for free Buster: Well, can't exactly promise to bend you over the table, much as I might wanna Rio: Buster Rio: Why put that in my head when I'm here having to wash up with the mas Buster: It's been in mine since I got here Rio: ugh Rio: either come help or go away Rio: can't have you near me if you're not gonna be near enough Buster: I like you but I don't like you that much Buster: I'll go do some daddy duties like Rio: 😂 Rio: fucking cheek Rio: good luck getting her away from your ma, that manicures too expensive for our dishwater, like Buster: It's not all you, I ain't about to leave my watch lying around this lot either Rio: have your hand off for it like Rio: didn't you know you were coming to the 24 Buster: I had tunnel vision, didn't I? Rio: Good Rio: how I like it Buster: I know Rio: What else do you know Buster: I know I want to be alone with you Rio: Tonight Buster: Yeah Buster: Unless you've got a better offer all of a sudden, that is Rio: You what? Buster: What I said Rio: Yeah but Rio: No, not since you last checked in like, 10 minutes ago, we're still on babe 😂 Buster: Says you but your phone been blowing up since then Buster: So whatever Rio: It's literally Indie Rio: Told you she's Sherlocking me Rio: Was you jealous? Buster: Fuck off Buster: 'Course not Rio: Awww Rio: How cute Buster: Shut up no Rio: Yeah you were Rio: s'okay, you know you got no reason to be now and i can't tell no one anyway Buster: I always knew I had no reason to be, babe, I ain't no proper competition Buster: That's why I wasn't Rio: Oh, really? Rio: Well then, I won't make an extra special effort to show you how much you do not need to be jealous Rio: Cool with me Buster: Behave Buster: No need to go that far, babe Buster: You can still show me something Rio: Idk now Rio: catch me going through my contacts like 🤔🤔🤔 Rio: got me thinkin' Buster: Yeah you do Buster: You know you won't get better than this right here Rio: Yeah Rio: so you still gonna let me have it or are you too pouty now? Buster: Yeah 'cause you obviously need me to remind you how good you got it with me Rio: Don't but want it so Rio: Please Buster: Let's go then Buster: I'll get Jay ready and follow you out Rio: Can't yet Rio: In fact, brb for a sec Buster: Seriously? Rio: [Suitable amount of time to have a smoke later] Rio: Back Rio: Indie needed some TLC Buster: I reckon you meant THC Rio: That too Buster: You wanna go now? Rio: Reckon this party's pretty much over Rio: got the 🍫 let's ride Buster: I can say I'm giving you a ride yeah? That's just gentlemanly Buster: Otherwise you'll freeze to death waiting around the corner Rio: I appreciate you resisting the urge to make a joke about me working the corner this time, like Rio: much obliged 👍 Rio: yeah, that seems normal and not suspicious Buster: Well, don't actually want that fat lip you threatened me with earlier Buster: Even if you would kiss it better Rio: For a whitey, your lips aren't bad Rio: so I'll leave you how you are 😘 Buster: Cheers Rio: Please tell me there's no family functions for a while? Rio: Hard work not being able to be on you Buster: Christ knows with this fam that I can't make that promise Buster: But I swear you'll never have to wait long for me to come find you whenever there is Rio: Now, THAT'S a promise Buster: And you can hold me to it, babe Rio: I will

[botanycameos]

What do you think the differences would be between how Khan and Stephen Strange would handle their PTSD? They would definitely have it after all they've been through. Both have enormous responsibilities on their shoulders and both I would say have trust issues (albeit for different reasons and to differing degrees). Both have been willing to endure hell to protect their charges and have a strict code of honour. But they are very different men. I wonder how they would deal with their torment?

Oh noooo, this question… XD *can’t help writing meta*

Wall of text incoming. lol

They would indeed both have PTSD, but imho, in different ways/for very different reasons. And they are indeed both extremely different people who inevitably wouldn’t handle it the same way.

KHAN

I feel like Khan’s fear of failing his people, and of them all dying because he wasn’t “enough”, would likely be worse for him than the PTSD itself (something we don’t really see in Space Seed --where he’s fresh off the ice and super confident still--, and which is at its most visible in STID, where he’s just gone through a year of being kept away from them, struggling against horrible odds to try and rescue them, and failing), although those two things would go hand in hand together, fueling one another.

Also, Khan likely has gotten PTSD since an early age, due to his life in the labs and so on. But he also would be a lot better prepared to deal with it, and his military mindset as well as life experiences (+ his extremely focused willpower and determination) would make him better able to cope with things that would have crushed a normal man. The fact that he can function at all after everything he’s gone through in his life, is proof enough of that...

He’d likely already have some degree of PTSD  at an early age and while that sucks, it also means he would have learned along the way the best ways for him to cope with it, because as we’ve seen, he’s super effective even now, so whatever methods he’s using, they are working for him, so far at least… (He managed to take over such a large part of the world despite all the past trauma, and that requires a multitude of skills that he couldn’t have been using if PTSD was controlling his daily life then. Although it’s quite possible he might have moments where things aren’t as tightly controlled.)

Khan would also likely react to some things in a significantly more proactive and even aggressive manner – imho he would actively fight his trauma, as if it was a physical enemy. (He’s a great chess-player when it comes to handling enemies, but you can’t really play the same games when the enemy is inside you.)

On one hand, it’s not ideal, because there are moments where he clearly uses wrath as a method of coping (stuff can’t hurt as much if you’re focusing on the anger instead, ergo vengeful thoughts are a way of not thinking of the loss etc. –he’s always moving forward, even when he can’t at all, it’s a form of escapism, an unhealthy coping mechanism in a way. As long as he is prepping plans to attack the conference room to avenge his crew, or trying to crash a ship etc., he isn’t having to face the void without them, or figure out how to live after that –if he was even going to consider the possibility of outliving them much longer, that is. Whatever is the what-to-do-after reasoning in his mind, the momentary violence of vengeance is a thing he chooses over the alternative of giving in to mourning and passivity).

I’m sure it’s also how Khan deals with fear. Nothing can hurt you as badly if you’re putting all of your focus on going forward and on the anger rather than the pain. In many ways, he’s like a volcano, but with extreme composure and self-control, preventing that anger erupting at the wrong time & damaging his prospects. So he only “blows up” when it can be of service to his plans (unleashing extremely effective violence like when they were making their way to the Vengeance bridge), or when he’s so lost that there’s nothing else left (like when he thought his crew was dead.)

He’s been made and brought up in a world where violence is the language spoken, and it’s one he’s mastered well, even if it’s not the one he prefers when he has a chance to chose another path. As we’ve seen clearly mentioned in canon, when he has the chance to chose peace, he does. But if he thinks that’s not an option, then he can speak the other language perfectly...

Imho, Khan bottles his problems up, but uses parts of it to fuel his anger and determination to accomplish what he set out to do (save his people, take them to safety, get them a new world) that keeps him going. Although he’s nowhere as indestructible as he appears/as he tries to make others think he is, far from it.

So in conclusion, Khan’s methods are not the healthiest but they work for him, and he’s able to cope with his pain and traumas in a way that while not ideal, helps him remain stronger and keep going.

(Though if he completely broke, he’s not necessarily the kind who can get back up after. This is what happened in TWOK, he lost it completely because of the death of his wife and so many of his crew, and madness consumed him, poor thing. But that was an event horizon of despair crossed there, like when he thought his people were dead at the end of STID. If they remain living, he likely would manage to heal or at least keep going until they’re safe.

Without his loved ones, he likely would remain lost or not survive. But as long as they are alive, he has a reason to go on, and somehow manages to pull through no matter what. He’s the ultimate survivor.) 

STEPHEN STRANGE

Stephen on the other hand, is in a far more vulnerable situation. He has none of the military training, preparedness or life experience (let alone augmented stuff), and he was a complete civilian until recently.

He too has gone through traumatic experiences over the years (the loss of all his family), but that doesn’t necessarily prepare someone for additional trauma, especially of such a vastly different nature; in fact, if you look at his life you can see that the reason why he became such a materialistic and arrogant doctor was precisely because of all the loss that’s happened in his life. That was his escape, his coping mechanism to close himself away from the pain, and it did not work. It only made things worse.

After Kamar Taj, he’s stripped of that too, as well as of his arrogance and the huge ego.

He’s now selfless and wide open, exposed. And while he certainly has learned a lot about finding peace within himself and through meditation etc., and he’s now far more in control of himself and centered, it doesn’t change the fact that he always had such high fear of failing, and now the fate of the whole world is on his shoulders. (At least Khan only has to protect his people, Stephen has to prevent the entire planet being destroyed).

“It’s not about you”, of course, but he’s still the one who has to do his best to prevent the world ending. Hence his willingness to take upon himself hardships that no one else would even think of facing.

If that wasn’t hard enough in itself, Stephen just received more brutal trauma and on a higher amount than any other hero, going through what must have felt like an eternity of agony and suffering.

That he went through that and didn’t break/didn’t give in and undo the timeloop, is truly amazing and awe-inspiring, but it does not negate the extreme damage it must have left him with.

When he came back to Earth he was so shaken still that he seemed both extremely elated that it was over (inevitable, with the horror he just got out of) and somewhat out of things, even acting weird and cracking a joke about Kaecilius’ death (something he would not normally have done, as we saw from his behavior in the NY Sanctum earlier, about the value of life. The end Kaecilius and the two zealots got was worse than death itself, and if Stephen was not totally out of it then, he would never have joked about it. He likely was later horrified by his joke, if he could remember it when he woke up).

Imho, after Mordo left, Stephen likely didn’t last much longer before collapsing, not only from all the mental trauma but also because he was extremely injured still (the stab wound alone likely required either hospitalization or better yet, whatever medical intervention they have in Kamar Taj for those cases, especially after Kaecilius ripped the stitches by kicking him in the chest during the battle. It’s likely that it was through sheer willpower and determination alone (+ the fact that he was timelooping endlessly while facing Dormammu, rather than having more time elapse) that Stephen lasted this long rather than passing out sooner.)

There’s also the fact that the life Stephen has ahead of him now is going to be extremely hard. This selfless sacrifice he’s made was not a one off. He’s been conditioned to do this (by feeling like he has to, as well as by simple lack of others to take his place – the responsibility is there, and he’s the one with the highest potential of them all, now that TAO is gone –there’s really no one else for the job of Sorcerer Supreme), feels obligated to ensure everyone’s well-being, and will put himself through countless horrors in the future also.

It was always so in the comics. He’s no longer the arrogant surgeon, and Stephen never does anything halfway: The Sorcerer’s code demands that he be always ready to die if needed, the poor thing. And then there’s also the extreme loneliness of the position.

In the comics, fairly often, things would be so bleak that Stephen would have to force himself to act cheerful because, as he said, otherwise magic might fail him, if he allows himself to become too disheartened or depressed.

At times in the comics, he was so broken that he could not even focus enough to use magic. (When his personal life fell apart even more with Clea leaving, he couldn’t even travel between dimensions due to being so depressed that he couldn’t function enough to make the magic work.)

So he has to artificially force himself to go through the motions and act cheerful etc. even when he’s not. (Something we’ve seen he has also used as a coping method for when he’s scared –cracking jokes to defuse situations where he feels uneasy, like when Wong threatened him during their first meeting– so that tendency of his will most likely keep on going).

It’s kind of heartbreaking, to imagine him so torn up inside, but still having to force himself to go on forward, to put on a brave face and force himself to smile and try to focus on not letting the depression etc. swallow him, lest he loses the ability to use the necessary magic when he has to save the day. Poor thing.

Also, the PTSD from Dormammu will likely leave him with so much trouble sleeping and so many moments of panic at random things that reminds him of it. He will likely search for so many ways to cope and try to bottle it up so much, put on a brave face etc., but hopefully Wong might be able to see through it and help him.

I wish there were so many more fics exploring this theme about Stephen. Not only the horrors he goes through as the price of having saved everyone, but also what ways he might find to get better and move forward, and the times when that doesn’t always work.

One thing is certain, this isn’t trauma you can heal from on the short run, and even once he eventually gets better, he will still have some of it with him forever. It could be years later and he will still flinch or jump when hearing something making a noise reminiscent of one of Dormammu’s piercing rocks, or have a panic attack due to something that feels too much like when he was trapped in Dormammu’s tentacles (and Stephen is a character who is constantly getting attacked by tentacles in the comics…), and so on.

It’s the most broken up characters, with jagged edges still cutting them inside, who are the most interesting and the most heroic.Especially in how they manage to still get back up and keep going, to keep helping and so on, despite the terrible damage that’s been done to them. ;-;